Reflections on Denver

Wow.  Two weeks from today, I will be driving across Nebraska on my way back to Iowa.  How incredibly crazy is that?  This journey here is almost over physically, but experientially, and mentally, it will never be over.  I have learned so much here.

Every week, I get asked the same question, “What are your plans for after graduation?”  Every week, I give the same answer, “I’m not sure.”  Although, that is not completely true.  I have two plans.  I have the ‘follow my heart plan’ and the ‘follow my brain’ plan.  Unfortunately, my heart and brain do not agree in what I will be doing after graduation.  None the less, the Wartburg West Experience has struck both and given both the need to further develop these plans and to really figure out what each plan entails.  Both plans call for me to get a job.  One in a corporation, one in a non profit.  One in Portland, Maine, one in Denver, Colorado.  Both plans do agree though that I would like to do some sort of development/marketing work.  That is what one of the other things I have learned here.  Although I will probably not go into marketing right away, I can see myself doing that.  I have learned that I like the event planning and research side (not together, but two separate careers) of marketing, yet marketing is so broad that I can really see myself anywhere in the marketing field. The experience has really gotten me thinking about what I want to do, where I want to go, what kind of work environment I want, what type of job do I want to do?  All these questions are things that I have begun and continued to think about throughout my internship. 

When the thought of vocation comes to mind I struggle.  So many of the employees that I work with at BGCMD have not been there very long; 5 years at the most and have other jobs before they came here.  I do not see that as being long.  Yet, I think that they are all here for the same reason I am, the passion to help the kids and teenagers who visit BGCMD and the fact that their personal passions and motivations line up with that of the organization.  Being at the support center during this time, is sort of like being at an accounting firm during tax season.  It is so crazy at this time of year, that I never really get to sit down with anyone and talk about things like vocation and passion and their work history.  Some of this has come up in conversation and some is what I have picked up on, but unless I schedule a meeting a week in advance, the chances of seeing my supervisor for more than 5 minutes in one day is rare.  That being said, I can only speculate on where our assumptions and understandings of life agree and match up.  Yet, their assumptions and understandings of me are things I can report on.  My co-workers expect me to complete my work and to grow and to learn.  My supervisor expects me to be part of the team.  Yes, there are times where I take on the busy work, but its things that if I didn’t do it, someone else would. 

Being part of the team means doing things I don’t want to do.  I have hesitated throughout this semester to speak my mind and give my opinion because of being so introverted.  I have always had control and worked with people my own age and not really had a problem giving my thoughts.  Working on newsletters and replying to people who left comments on my survey was a new challenge.  My supervisor has challenged me speak my mind.  There is one conversation that comes to mind when talking about being pushed to grow and speak my mind. 

I was moderating comments on a survey, and came to one about how we run our survey and if third parties are involved and how to verify if a ticket was purchased.  I knew the answer, yet I still asked her opinion.  She emailed me back and asked me what I thought.  I honestly thought she had emailed the wrong person.  Yet, she told me she believed in me and knew I had the response.  When I sent my response to her, she said that was exactly what she would have said.  Although this challenged me to really think about how to keep my answer short and conscience, it also allowed me to see how much I knew about the raffle in order to do this. My answer ended up satisfying the patron and they said it was a very professional answer and they appreciated it.  Had my supervisor not challenged me to write this response, I would have just passed it on with the other comments I pass on.  It gave me the confidence and faith in myself that I can reply to some of the more “challenging” survey comments and do not need to necessarily pass all these “non-standard reply” comments on. 

Coming into this internship, I really was not completely sure what to expect.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted to get out of this internship.  I knew I wanted to try to figure out what I wanted to do after graduation, but beyond that, I wasn’t really sure what my goals were. Looking back at what I wrote I wanted to do and learn about before coming out to Denver, I think I have accomplished it all.  I said that I wanted to be able to appreciate the “simple” Iowa life.  I do.  I appreciate the quiet, the humidity, the simplicity of it all.  I said that I wanted to learn if I wanted to stay in a big city or go to a small town.  I think I want something in between.  Not as big as Denver, not as small as Iowa City, but somewhere in between.  I also lastly said that I wanted to decide where I wanted to concentrate my job search, in the marketing field, or in another field.  Although this isn’t exactly complete, I know I want to look first in the marketing or development areas and then branch out from there.

This week at work was pretty slow, and contained a lot of the same work that I have been doing in the past weeks.  We are gearing up for another early bird drawing next week, and this week is the last week to buy tickets for that.  It was a lot of calling people who had declined credit cards, working on coming up with guerilla marketing techniques, and beginning to say good bye.  With only 5 working days left, I think about everything I have done here.  I think about coming in and not knowing anything about this organization, and look at all I have accomplished.  I have done a lot of market research for them, helped plan drawings, helped film kids, hung out at the Dream House, and worked on minor parts of many other projects.  This week it really hit home that we are almost done here in Denver, and I still have no idea what life holds after graduation.  But I know that I know have all of these internship experiences behind me that I can use and reflect on in order to try to get a job.

I’ve learned that I want to live in a city, but maybe not one as big as Denver.  The city isn’t dangerous like I orginially thought it might.  But all the people always being in a rush gets to me.  I’ve learned to take life one day at a time and slow down, appreciate life.  And that is one big thing that I want to take out of this going forward. I learned that you can’t live life in a box.  You have to get out of your comfort zone, experience new things.  Meet new people, learn new things.  You have to use the hard times in life to be able to fully appreciate the good times.  You have to use those job rejection letters to feul you going forward.  Yet you have to be so happy that you are able to apply for jobs and that I was raised and brought up to keep trying.  I know that God has a plan  and we just need to let his plan take shape.  I have so many excuses.  I have so many fears.  I say, “God, I can’t do it.  I’m too weak, I’m too pathetic.  It’s impossible.”  But God looks back at me and says, “But beloved, since when did it become all about you?  It’s about me.  It’s my promise.  I will guide you.  I’ll never leave you.”

And that is what I have learned.  “A persons biggest challenge isn’t someone else.  It’s the ache in your lungs and the burning in your legs, and the voice inside you that yells, I CANT.”  But you don’t listen.  You just push harder.  And then you hear the voice whisper, “I can”.  And then you discover that person you thought you were is really no match for who you really are.”

I’ve learned that were here learn that there are no random acts.  That we are all connected.  That you can no more separate one life from another then you can separate a breeze from the wind.